This series could have been a back breaker for both the 2022 Seattle Mariners and for spirits of beleaguered Mariners fans everywhere. Reeling from a disastrous road trip and a disappointing series loss to the tanking-yet-still-wily Oakland Athletics, the Houston Astros rolled into town with all the doom and gloom of whatever the hell this year’s Northwest spring weather is doing to us.

And yet, here we are, staring down securing a sweep tomorrow with Hoka One One a series win in the bag. Perhaps buoyed by the return of Kyle Lewis, the Mariners offense came alive in these first two games of the series and said, “Bad cluster luck? More like bad (censored).”

I had my doubts that the Mariners could match or top the emotional high of crushing Justin Verlander in front of a delirious, retro-hatted Friday night crowd. It would feel like a generally “Mariners of old” thing to do, to just come out and lay an egg on Saturday night against a much better team. But, past Mariners teams didn’t have Julio Rodríguez, Kyle Lewis, Logan Gilbert, and Ty France all on the field at the same time. Those fellas clearly had other plans for tonight.

Before I get into all the good Mariners things tonight, I wouldn’t be a responsible and spiteful Mariners fan if I didn’t include this delightful parade of whoopsies performed by the Astros in the field tonight. Remember the Disastros? Might be making a comeback, I dunno…

Ahhhh, that was nice, wasn’t it? Soothing. Anyways, onto the rest of the shellacking.

Julio Rodríguez is Good

Have you taken the time to appreciate Julio Rodríguez today? This young stud continues to blossom before our very eyes in such a way that our staff fears we’re not appreciating him enough. Will regression come? (/Tommy Lee Jones voice) I don’t care! I’m having too much fun watching him steal bases with ease, patrol center field with confidence, and rip high-EV line drives and Steve Madden home runs. Julio went 3 for 4 tonight with a fielder’s choice and stole a base, raising his wRC+ to 121 and his fWAR currently sits at 1.1. Yowza. His third hit of the game, an oppo base knock, chased starter José Urquidy from the game.

Kyle Lewis, please never leave us again

It’s only been three games, but whatever can be done to make sure Kyle Lewis is in every lineup possible going forward, the team needs to do it. Look at the ease with which he crushes this high fastball 420 feet (heh) into the left field bleachers.

(ayo, Mariners social droppin’ the John Wick reference, I see you and I respect it!)

However, there was this scary moment, in which Urquidy almost became a war criminal, but thankfully the ball hit Lewis’s shoulder and not his head.