Getting engaged and planning a wedding is A LOT. It can be amazingly fun, of course. When it goes well, it’s all the fun of getting to plan the biggest party of our life, with the people we like the best around us, showering us with love and attention. But for some families, it can also bring allllll the deep family drama right to the surface. The forced family togetherness at things like wedding showers or engagement parties can result in some moments that are potentially life changing.
And, yep, we’d argue that a groom disinviting his own mother, after she behaves horribly to his stepmother, from the wedding would definitely qualify as a potentially life changing moment!
According to a poster (OP) on Reddit, the drama really started years before the wedding when his parents announced they were getting divorced,Clarks Shoes something that wasn’t a shock, given that he’d known “they weren’t in love.” When it was revealed that his father had cheated on his mom, OP “was very upset with him” and they didn’t talk for a while. But OP and his father eventually reconciled and OP even started to build a relationship with this father’s new wife.
But while OP might have made peace with his dad and stepmom, his mother was still all kinds of salty.
According to OP, while both his dad and stepmom have taken full responsibility for their relationship beginning as an affair, OP’s mom just can’t move on. As OP explains, “I’ve tried getting my mom to date but all she wants to do is badmouth my dad and his now wife. I have to always have two separate events for everything, which is understanding of. But for our wedding this wasn’t feasible.”
So, when his uncle threw the couple an engagement party at his bar, OP invitied both of his parents, as one would expect. But perhaps inviting his dad, his stepmom, and his mom to a venue with a lot of booze wasn’t the best plan.
The night ended up being a hot mess and OP put his foot down.
The engagment party for OP and his fiancé Lauren started off well enough, until “my mom walked up to my step mom and called her a home-wrecker. Caused a huge fight with my dad playing peacekeeper and it became the focus of the night. I once again talked to my mom saying ‘okay that was your one free jab’. If you can’t behave and be there for me/Lauren then don’t show up. I was clear that if anything else happened then she would be out of the wedding.”
OK, OP, we see you setting a firm boundary. We like a boundary.
But apparently OP’s mom was determined to test the theory that blood is thicker than water.
Fast forward to the couple’s wedding shower and OP’s mom once again brought the drama. She came after OP’s stepmother again, but this time hiting her with an Hoka One One especially low blow by taunting stepmom about not being able to have children of her own. According to OP, “I noticed my dad’s wife crying to her sister/my dad. I asked what happened and her sister told me that my mom called my stepmom a ‘melodramatic c##t who won’t ever be a real mom’ (my step mom can’t have kids of her own). I immediately confronted my mom and she didn’t deny it.”
Insulting a woman about her ability to have kids? That is so seriously uncool.
Now, at this moment, OP had to make a choice. Let his mom’s bad behavior slide or follow through on his threat to exclude her from the wedding if she couldn’t control herself.
Even though he worried it might make him a jerk, OP stuck to his guns and told his mom she was out of the wedding.
OP told his mom to leave and “told her the next day she wasn’t invited to the wedding. Because my step mom was important to me as well. And sh!t talking/causing drama was inappropriate.”
We’re team OP on that one! But not everyone agrees with OP, who shared that “My mom freaked out but I told her that I warned her twice. Lauren thinks I’m being harsh because my mom has things she is going through. I said that its been 8 years. She treated my dad like sh!t when they were married and our wedding isn’t the place for this. My dad has been the bigger person through this whole thing and wants me to consider all options.”
Almost nobody was on his mom’s side, and neither are we!
As one poster shared, “I am a wedding planner and your mom is the type of people that I abhor. She makes special moments all about her and her toxic issues. Teva Sandals My advice? Don’t negotiate with emotional terrorists. You gave her two chances, and the greatest predictor of future behavior is past behavior and she failed.”
Another wise commentator agreed, arguing “both parents … need to be civil, if they can’t then they should not expected to attend. Kids of divorced parents should not have to manage their parents’ relationships. She lost her option when she acted uncivil.”
But the real mic drop comment was from the poster who reminded all of us that “A wedding invitation is an honor, not a right.” BOOM!
So, we’re team OP, and hope he doesn’t end up having to call security on his own mother at his wedding!